- In November I transitioned from full-time to half-time in my Urban Missionary role at Riverwood, due to the amount of support I raised. Surprisingly it was very difficult to continue doing full-time ministry in part-time hours… but I’m trying!
- At the end of November a very wise friend suggested that if I take another part-time job to make up the difference in income… that it should be non-ministry related so that it didn’t draw on the same resources and capacity I needed to focus on the ministry at Riverwood. I didn’t listen.
- At the beginning of December I accepted a part-time position with Agape Table. A soup kitchen serving the homeless, poor and addicted in Winnipeg’s infamous West End. I was responsible for volunteer training and supervision, “floor” supervision, building relationships with the guests, helping with every area of logistics involved in providing food service to an average of 250 people in two hours, every weekday morning. I also partnered with my general manager in breaking up fights and dealing with medical and “bio-hazard” situations. These situations occurred fairly regularly due to the fact that Agape Table received guests with open doors and hearts that were kicked out of other soup kitchens.
- It was the most intense thing I’ve done and I jumped in with both feet. This worked for the month of December since it was a slow month for me in terms of my committments at Riverwood.
- It stopped working in January when my ministry at Riverwood ramped back up to normal (read: intense) levels.
- By mid-January I was ill most of the time, rarely able to work at either ministry and had profound anxiety. I was rapidly losing the ability to cope with the stress and pressure I was experiencing and even had a full-blown panic attack which I had never experienced before despite intense ministry situations in the past.
- By beginning of February I completely burnt out and had to quit Agape Table. A very hard decision. Felt like a quitter.
- The physical and mental health effects of that period are ongoing. It feels like a very long, slow journey back. So slow I often question whether I’m moving forward at all. A trip to the doctor has eliminated the more scarier possibilities (I was exposed to TB, hepatitis, HIV/AIDS, etc at Agape Table). Heart, blood pressure and cholesterol were all fine.
- Tests did reveal unexplained weight-loss and a slightly under-functioning thyroid. These are being followed up on. Unfortunately I’m having to push my usually excellent doctor on this… I’m getting the vibe she thinks it’s all in my head. Stress can impact one’s thyroid… sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently.
- I know adjusting my lifestyle in terms of exercise and eating habits could help… but when you are in depression or mentally struggling… even taking simple steps in those areas can feel too overwhelming.
- I have cut back to one or two cups of coffee A WEEK! Which I’m pretty sure is the bare minimum for retaining your eternal salvation.
- As hard as this season is, my ministry at Riverwood is growing in effectiveness and fruitfulness. The more broken I become, the more God seems to move. How great is my God!  Many well-intentioned people want me to get better. So do I. But there is also something in this that I need to embrace because I can feel God breaking me, crushing me, refining me in His fire. I’m dying but surviving. But I currently do not yet see a light at the end of this tunnel.
- I’m trying to restrict my hours at Riverwood to what they are supposed to be and trying to get rest and eliminate stress and try and move towards some semblance of normalcy and health since I will have to try and pick up something part-time so we can survive financially.
You are now pretty up-to-date on my life. I have good days and bad days in terms of physical/mental health. There are dark days but lots of days that have periods of joy, peace and a sense of intimacy with God.
And so I remain nooc.
